I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
