Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it hurts more in the daytime
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
