Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
