three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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