My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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