i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
