dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
