I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize