Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
