I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
