Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize