everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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