I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
