remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
