oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
