I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
