How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
