hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
