and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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