i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
