I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
