awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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