1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
