Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize