dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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