i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
