Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
