the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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