How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
