bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
