why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
