Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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