i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
