i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
