I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
