Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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