something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
