well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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