i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
