So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
