I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
