I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize