At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
