if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
