I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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