Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
