So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
