you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
