U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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