Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
