hell yes lets make some ravioli
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
