Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
