Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize