my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
