I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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