Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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