Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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