I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
