the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
