I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How does it feel to date your dad?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
