You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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