You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
