I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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