Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
