I think scott just propositioned me for sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
