Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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