my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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