i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
