I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
