Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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