if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
