I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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