she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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