I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
