filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
