he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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