i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sarcasm needs its own font
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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