i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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