Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i've created a new STD.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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