just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
