Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
