He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
