my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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