In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
