a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
