i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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