I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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