"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize