Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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