She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
