oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
