One girl and one boy is just not enough.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
