i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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