Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
