Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
