She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
