I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
