on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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