What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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