kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need moral support for this bender
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
